A Little South of Sanity

 Since I haven’t been spending any time online the past couple of days- now that I am attempting to catch up a little, I have been reading emails and trying to catch up on the news.   I couldn’t help but want to share a couple of these ‘staged’ liscense plates that different creative people have made and sent in to Fox News.   

I actually found myself chuckling out loud at a few of them.  Even though I’m only sharing three of them, there are actually seven in total at this point.    I will be the first to say that this isn’t a political blog nor am I a political person, I couldn’t help but share them.  

If you are interested in seeing the rest of the collection, feel free to check them out at Fox News.

A few days ago I mentioned that Marcel called me while he was out fishing and said that “We have a problem”. I said that I’d tell y’all the story the following day, but I didn’t get a chance, so here I am now to tell the rest of the story.

Marcel was fishing by the canal. The canal really isn’t that deep, but there are fish in it, and he enjoys relaxing by the canal and tossing out his line. He never keeps the fish, as they aren’t good to eat, but he has fun.

He called and asked what I was doing, and I explained that I needed to start work in a little less than half an hour so I was getting ready to take JJ for a walk so that I could work without being disturbed with his desire to go outside. That’s when he said we had a problem. I actually figured his idea of us having a problem would mean that he wanted me to brew him some coffee and bring it out his way, but turned out not to be the case.

Apparently, Marcel was fishing and decided he didn’t like his fishing spot. He moved his tackle box and everything to another location. As he was placing his chair by the water, the wind caught it and blew it into the canal. As he was telling me, I found it to be a little humorous, but then he told me that his keys were sitting in the drink holder hole on the chair and that his keys were in the bottom of the canal and he couldn’t find them.

I believe it was about this time that I rolled my eyes. I suggested that he get into the canal and look for the keys and he told me quickly that it wasn’t going to happen. We went back and forth for a few moments and I said I would come over there, since I was going out with the dog anyway.

Sure enough, he’d fished his chair out with a fish net, but the keys were no where to be found. The water wasn’t deep, so I started dredging with the net, and asking where the spot was that the chair fell into the water- “Somewhere over there” was his answer. He had not marked the area so he’d know exactly where it was, so we were talking approximities. He contended that I wasn’t going to find his keys, and I didn’t. I figured they’d long been buried by the stirred up mud and there was no chance they were going to be reflecting the sunshine if that were the case. Again, I told him that he was going to have to get in the water and walk around in order to find the keys, but he said there was no way. I KNEW he wanted me to offer, but that wasn’t happening. I said that I needed to get back in to do my work, and he followed me home, since he didn’t have any keys.

He turned the house upside down trying to find spare keys, but I’d already told him that his mother had the only spare key we had. He went on and on about how he wanted his keys, and again, I told him the only way he’d find them was to put on some crocs, get in the water and look for them.

Ten minutes later, he came in, sat down on the sofa and started taking off his shoes.. I asked what he was doing and he said he was going to put his crocks on and go see if he could find his keys.

I almost fell off the couch. After all that protesting, I couldn’t believe that he was actually listening to me. Five minutes later, he returned with keys in hand. I didn’t say a word, but I gave him a “I told you so look” that said enough.

Now when I think about it, I laugh. I bet he doesn’t leave his keys in the drink holder on his chair ever again. heeehee

Marcel and I were walking through a shopping area when we were out of town a few weeks ago, and we came across pop displays that were located outside of this particular business. I thought they were cute, but before I could get any closer, JJ noticed them and started barking like a dog with rabies. He went running towards them, forgetting that he was a tiny dog and ready to attack. It was hilarious. When he actually made it over to them, he wasn’t sure what to do, but he realized that obviously it wasn’t such a big deal after all and he was ready to move on.

Those little things always make me giggle and yet bring so much joy at the same time.

A few days ago Marcel was outside fishing and he called me from his cell- He said, “We have a problem.” Eventually he told me what ‘our’ problem was, but right now I don’t have time to go into all the details because otherwise my bath water my overflow and that would be a problem of another sort.

So watch this space, and I’ll be back tomorrow to share what happened. It was quite humorous.

Dear Spammers,

I checked my blog this morning to find a multitude of comments awaiting to be moderated, all of which after careful consideration were promptly disposed into the SPAM category- deleted from my little part of cyberspace, never to be seen (hopefully) again.

Some of you non-spammers out there may think that ‘those people’ (spammers) come out of the cyber woodwork only to make our lives a little more complicated. The truth is, I GET why spammers are out there- they are doing a job, created by someone else and they’re on a race against time.

I know that someone has offered to pay you 1 cent per ‘approved’ comment that you receive on blogs (or maybe a little more, but not much), and considering that you can find blogs that auto approve everyone, then you’ve hit the proverbial penny jackpot (don’t worry- I know those pennies add up- slowly, but they do add up). I also know that the same thing applies to email Spam- Again, people pay to get valid email addresses or pay to have someone else spam their product on unsuspecting people. Phishers use this tactic quite often as well, using your contacts to further their cause.

Dear spammers, I ‘get’ that you have a job to do, but you are wasting your precious time by stopping in here, because you won’t get approved and IF you do- the only way you’ll make it past the tight security (that’s me), is if “I” want you to. Just a little word of advice- If you want to do your job, and do it well while increasing your earning potential, I suggest reading at least PART of the entry before you attempt to spam it- after all there are pennies waiting to be made.

Now to quote Glinda the Good Witch, I’ll say: “Be Gone- before somebody drops a house on YOU!” (The Dropped house being me pressing the spam button and deleting your babble forever)

Much love-
- Moi’

Not too long ago I was at my mother in law’s and I noticed that she had a jar of age spot creams on her vanity in the bathroom. I’ve never really noticed her having spots but I didn’t want to embarrass her by asking so I never did. Later, I asked Marcel and he looked at me as though I’d lost my mind and then said he had no idea what kind of ‘goop’ his mom smears on her face or anywhere else. Men, you just gotta love em.

I was catching up on some of my email earlier and was surprised to see that there was almost 800 emails in my spam folder on gmail. I obvioiusly haven’t checked or cleared that folder in a while, but I thought it would be interesting to share some of the keywords that I found in that folder with a quick glance. Apparently there are several someones out there who think my name is Mike, and who think I’m interested in some sort of online gaming websites. Trust me, I am not. There are also several emails that wanted to let me know that they had an iPhone waiting for me, but I guess they didn’t get the memo that I already have an ‘eye’phone. Then there are those who are offering to help me find the love of my life, not realizing that I’m already married to him. Oh, and we can’t forget those that are offering a ‘hazardous’ sale, which leaves me to wonder if it’s so hazardous why anyone would want to be a part of it.

Sound crazy? You’re right, it is. Try looking at the topics of your own spam folder and see what kind of little tidbits you come up with, and share them here in comments.

While I’m on the subject of crazy comments, I thought I would share another one. I sometimes log in here and in my other sites and have as many as 50 or 60 comments waiting to be moderated, and maybe three will make the cut and onto my site. Another said that I was a great writer and wanted to know if I could tell them the best vitamins for men. All I can say is do a little research and I’m sure you’ll find the information that you seek.

Hmm this is kind of fun. Maybe I should make this a regular thing. I could call it coo-coo comments that didn’t make the cut. Just a thought.

Ok, I’ll admit that I’m probably the last person to find out about this Larry Platt “Pants on the Ground” sensation. Mom mentioned it to me yesterday, and before that I’d seen numerous mentions on Facebook about it, but I thought it was something people were saying in regards to hoping to see the Saints make it to the Super Bowl.

What I found out after talking to mom, is that this is a real song, written and created by none other Mr. Larry Platt himself. Who is Larry Platt? Well, before I watched his American Idol audition, I honestly had no idea. Truth is, I still don’t know who he is, but what I do know is that he’s created a sensation with his song.

I actually like the words- even though they are few, but they tell a story- so listen to Larry people and Pick yo pants up off the ground, cuz you look like a fool. You know who you are. Don’t ask questions, just do it. Larry will thank you, and so will anyone else who happens to be walking behind you and has to look at either your boxers or your bootay.

An Obituary printed in the London Times – Interesting and sadly rather true.

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn’t always fair;
- and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I’m A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

*Note* – I don’t know that this was actually featured in the London Times, because I don’t read it, but I did think that it was creative, and definitely worth sharing. It’s defnitely true.